Don't Trust Anyone Under 30

Now that we are over 30, the tables have turned. As teens, our rebel cry was "don't trust anyone over 30". As parents (and grandparents) well over 30, teens of our own, the rebel cry has dramatically changed. With young people willing to chat about anything in the open forum of social media sites, parents are finding themselves in the uncomfortable position of "friending" our children.

With about 50% of parents surprising their teens with a friend request on such sites as Facebook and MySpace, it seems there is little privacy for teens. Common Sense Media, a none-profit tracking teen use of social media reported that parents were not aware of what their children were doing online from chatting to sexting. In all honesty, I am friends with quite a few of students. There is great controversy from teens as well as the public scrutiny as to the propriety of this invasion of this social frenzy.

After talking with many parents this past week, I am inclined to agree with parents that it is necessary. My own father used to snoop through our rooms. I remember my outrage and his remark about not being my friend, he was my parent. More than 40 years later, I find that I have to be friends with my grandchildren, their friends and my students to parent them. Why? Have you read what the write? I don't spy, but I do call them on rants and bully efforts. My comment to their wall posts is simple - "you do know I read this, right?"

Parents told me of what they have found and yes, I believe it would be irresponsible parenting in this era of no holes barred social media to not monitor your under 18 year olds. Although teens have multiple accounts to thwart efforts of prying eyes, we still need to be on the front lines when it comes to protecting our kids.

Nothing beats an old fashioned conversation with your child. Keeping the lines of communication open on any subject, no matter how uncomfortable it is for both of you. But being proactive in all aspects of your child's life is just plain good parenting. Whatever generation you belong to, there will always be a parenting challenge between you and your teen. Stand your ground but never forget your teen years. Monitor your own social chat. Keep a distance that respects privacy, keep things in perspective and avoid gossip and keep it to yourself and your teen. That's what a wise grandma would do.

What's That You Say?

Old ears on young bodies is becoming the norm. Rather than waiting until their senior years to require hearing aids, the ear buds attached to ipods have caused a generational gap between the ears.

"It's a different level of use than we've seen in the past," according to Robert Novak, director of clinical education in audiology at Purdue University. Novak says seeing young people with "older ears" is a trend from the Walkman days and today's technology is producing wider spread hearing loss among younger people similar to what one would expect in a much older person.

From a random selection of students, Novak documents this growing trend in what is know as noise-induced hearing loss. Ultimately the students lose the ability to hear higher frequencies, have difficulty following conversations in noisy environments and suffer from tinnitus or ringing in the ears.

Despite the warning signs and mounting evidence, it seems clear that ear buds are here to stay. More people are using them to block out street noise. But how much is too much? Research shows that a portable music player with headphones at 60 percent of the volume for an hour a day is relatively safe. Telltale signs of trouble are ringing in the ears that persists even after rest your ears.

Will this evidence stop young people from wearing ear buds excessively? Doubtful. We attended concerts and came away with ringing in the ears before we wised up to bringing a pair of ear plugs or stuffing them with cotton. I am afraid that telling young people of the potential consequences of hearing loss will most likely fall on deaf ears. With one in 5 teens experiencing hearing loss, limiting their exposure may result in a flurry of adolescent misplaced anger, but in the long run, they will still be able to hear you say I love you for a very long time. That's what wise grandma would do.

The Joy of Gardening With The Seasons

My garden definitely took a hit with the strange weather, late summer and my teaching schedule. As the schedule is winding down, I find the weather is cooperating and I have more time to spend getting in touch with my dirty side.

One of my favorite birthday gifts was a cap that says "Plays In The Dirt". That describes me to a tee or should I say trowel. My children grew up with a little shovel in their hands, helping me plant seeds and dig, dig, dig. Although they preferred watering to weeding, all three enjoyed the organic harvest. I suppose next to drowning slugs in stale beer, they loved to pick the vegies of their labor.

My granddaughter is helping me prepare for the Fall garden. With an expected late into September summer, we planted chard, broccoli, cauliflower, spinach and kale, along with another round of cilantro and lettuce. Today we are picking cucumbers, broccoli, zucchini, basil and peppers. The peas and lettuce are done, with the chickens getting the last of it as we prepared the bed for the new Fall plantings.

With gardens popping up and spreading out in backyards everywhere, it is easy to bring kids into each season with fun activities while playing in the dirt! That's what a wise grandma would do.

A Spoonful of Common Sense

My oldest daughter is about to have her first baby. She is, as we all were, nervous about the parenting challenges that lie ahead. I told her that it is a waste of her energy to worry about the teen years before the teething years. Every child is as different as is every parent who walks miles through the parenting maze. I have often chastised my own mother for not warning me that this job doesn't end once your child blows out 18 candles on their birthday cake. But I have learned it is the one job that you never retire from and rarely live long enough to see the fruit of your labor.

I read many of the mommy blogs to see how the new generation views discipline. I would like to offer a dose of common sense. Here are five basic lessons every child should learn.

#5 Good manners - please and thank you are always appreciated but thank you cards should be sent to those who give a gift, do a kindness, for a teacher or a friend. It is an art that has gone by the way side but makes a huge difference, now and as an adult habit.

#4 Responsibility - no matter how young, children should learn to clean up after themselves. If they take it out, help them to pick it up when they are done. Oh, and set the example...pick up after yourself.

#3 Read! - This is a difficult lesson, but reading is obviously something your child will use for the rest of their lives, even it is as simple as reading directions. Keep it simple and let your child take the lead as to how much they want to read but one day a month (at least) should be a trip to the library. Reading to your child paves the way - and they are never too young!

#2 Tolerance - We are all different and the sooner these differences are seen as points of celebration rather than ridicule the better. Use positive words these differences whether they are of color, religion or disabilities. Be profound in your own behavior toward others.

#1 Kindness - To me this is the same as the "Golden Rule". Treat others as you wish to be treated. Sure it doesn't always work out that way, but for the most part if you smile or offer a kind word to someone, it will come back to you ten fold.

The most common sense approach I have for young parents, is to examine yourself. Buffalo Springfield said it best "Teach Your Children Well". Children imitate what they see and hear. Listen to what you say. Watch what you do. Then listen and watch them - children are a mirror.

I wrote this blog post while participating in the TwitterMoms and Nanny McPhee Returns blogging program, making me eligible to get a $50 gift card. For more information on how you can participate, click here. I decided to blog because being a grandma coming up on 6 times now, I am eligible for a t-shirt in common sense! That is what a wise grandma would do.

With A Little Help From My Friends

HELP! I need somebody! For those old enough to know the words, this Beatles song sang a familiar tune this past weekend. Teaching summer camps the past couple of months has left little time to work in the yard and the weeds had taken most of the yard hostage. Childhood friends and sisters, Sharon and Carol heard the call and came to the rescue.

My biggest problem was the pond. The pump had given out again - the third pump in the past 10 years. The pond was over run with iris that had gone wild, no blooms due to the shady area. The 5 gallon pots were too heavy to lift out of the pond by myself and the roots from the iris had embedded themselves deep into the silt and debris.

Cavalry to the rescue! The three of us spent the day clearing the pond, installing a new pump and filter, digging out old and setting in new fence posts. I had done much of the clearing of blackberries, morning glories and dandelions prior to their visit, so I can at last enjoy the last few weeks of summer in my beautiful yard.

With a little more than a quarter of an acre, it is always a challenge to keep it under control. I am forever grateful for good friends who not only know the words to the Beatles tune, but know exactly what they mean. I am having breakfast - french toast made with eggs from my chickens and topped with blueberries from my garden and humming my favorite tune. That's what a wise grandma would do.

My mother-in-law was a waitress for most of her working years and for all the stories she tells, I think she could write a book. Candacy A. Taylor has done just that in her book Counter Culture The American Coffee Shop Waitress.

Taylor, at age 30, was once a waitress in a sushi restaurant in San Francisco while working her way through graduate school. She remembers sitting around the back table, doing paperwork, counting out tips and sharing the grievances of the day with co-workers. She wondered how women twenty years older could handle the workload when Taylor herself worked half the hours and was tired and aching at the end of her shift.

Thus began a journey of twenty-six thousand miles across the United States to find diners and waitresses that fit the parameters of the project. Armed with digital camera, mini-recorder, maps and a scanner she interviewed fifty-nine waitresses in forty-three cities. Having been a waitress for over a decade she found herself able to speak the diner language.

Candacy Taylor tells the story of “Lifers” referring to the aging diner waitress. The chapter Ketchup in Her Veins, shows these resilient women walk, reach, lift, write, pour, wipe, socialize, bend over, pick up, memorize tedious details, argue with the cook and walk some more, making this career a true art form.

The chapter Tricks of the Trade focuses on veteran waitresses like seventy year old Rachel DeCarlo at Sittons North Hollywood Diner, California. “It’s like watching Fred Astaire dancing. She makes it look effortless,” says Karesse Klein a middle-aged waitress who worked with Rachel. How to carry several plates without the bottom of the plate touching the food, memorizing “the usual” for some two hundred customers a day and pleasing the difficult customer makes the veteran waitress a bit of a baby sitter and an actress changing roles from table to table.

Taylor dispels the waitress stigma of Flo telling customers to “kiss my grits” or a cigarette hanging out of her mouth that has fueled the stereotype of the diner or counter waitress. They have raised their children, put them through college, have nice homes and cars, all on the wage of a waitress. Most of them are divorced, single women, well educated but find they made better money waiting tables.

The history of women in diners in Counter Culture, details the strength, hard work and resolve of these aging women through the years. Despite long hours, heavy lifting and customer insults for up to 80 years these resilient women are among the healthiest, most vibrant and hardest-working women in the country.

The soft bound book is published by ILR/Cornell University Press and retail price is $19.95 and well worth the read. That's what a wise grandma would do.

A Stitch In Time

So many of the old crafts we used to do as children are disappearing or left to us "old" people to do while in our rocking chairs watching the sunset. I don't think so!

I never understand when kids tell me they are "bored". How is that possible? What is that old phrase - idle hands are the devil's workshop? With the temperature rising and warnings of heat waves, my granddaughter and I have taken up a new project.

Teaching my granddaughter to crochet has been a fun project. My mother (great grandma) was cleaning out her closet and found a box of yarn and crochet needles. My granddaughter and I have taken up the chubby needles and are making long chains practicing our crochet skills.

Struggling through the first few chains of single crochet stitches, she found absolute delight in how easy it was to get rid of one's less than perfect work. A quick pull and no trace of imperfections are left - plus it's cool! And just as quickly, she picked up the needle and tried again. Today she brought me several long chains that she had not only finished off but started a new one on her own.

We have a project in mind, but we are keeping it a secret until we both feel our crochet skills are up to snuff! A cool indoor project in the middle of this heat wave! That's what a wise grandma would do.