Until Death Do Us Part

In Western culture we believe that marriage is a union between two people and that union can only be separated by death. Pretty stiff penalty for sticking out a life that should be hallmarked with marital bliss. But it signifies the solemnity of a vow that should be made with the intent - to love and cherish despite any unforseen circumstances short of death. 

As a witness to my niece's wedding recently, I heard the minister charge all of us in attendance to see that those vows are honored. She eluded that it was our concern that this young couple have every opportunity to comply with these vows and our duty as loving friends and family to help them do so. This really struck me as I heard my niece and her groom say "I do" indicating they understood and agreed to these vows. It is my charge then, to offer support to mend rather than end from this day forward. After thirty eight years of marriage, I still take the vows I made seriously. There were no crystal balls handed out at my wedding, nor the 20/20 visions of hindsight. And yet, I knew that perfect marriages exist only in fairy tales and that better or worse was bound to come our way. Both have come our way and as at the end of every storm, there comes sunshine. 

I came home from the wedding and looked up the familiar Corinthians verse. Perhaps on their anniversaries, married couples should read the words again as a reminder that although the vows seem easily spoken in the white gowns and tuxedos of the day, that repeating them when the bouquet has wilted and the cake is eaten, may be an even more significant pledge of unity. 

Therefore, for your consideration, read this fine print.

If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth but didn't love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal.

If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything about everything, but didn't love others, what good would I be? And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, without love I would be no good to anybody.

If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would be of no value whatsoever.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.

It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

And that's precisely what a wise grandma will do, until death do her part.

Always

My mom just celebrated her 80th birthday in January. My dad, who hates anything to do with surprises, decided to throw her a surprise birthday bash. He enlisted as many friends and of course, family as he could to pull off this coup. The grandchildren and I, along with my brother, were enlisted to distract her for the day, while he ran around incognito preparing for the fete.

We took my mom out to lunch and tried to convince her to come out to the llama farm. But it was cold and foggy and my mom is not exactly the earthy type. When we came back later, she was fuming. My dad had not been home all day and she was fit to be tied. She was frustrated that on her birthday, she was not getting the attention she so truly deserved. He had told my brother to bring her downtown but she wanted him to come home and made no bones about it.

Surprisingly the grandkids, especially my precocious five year old granddaughter, kept mum about great-grandpa's secret plans. We tried calming her down but as we made our goodbyes and headed over to the party, her Latin roots were on fire.

The party went off without a hitch. My granddaughter played Happy Birthday for the crowd of 40 plus people as my mom entered the darkened room and we yelled surprise! She was upset with me for letting her come down there without her lipstick. But she was in heaven, surrounded by loved ones who congratulated her on the milestone and patted my dad on the back for pulling it off.

My mother is not one to be out done. So the story does not end there. Mom decides to "get even" though I have questioned the sentiment here, since my dad was really doing a nice thing. She enlisted a friend to hold a sweetheart luncheon for a few close friends. This was the plausible ruse to get my father out of the house and to his Valentine surprise or "revenge is a dish best served cold" party.

She was a bit disappointed because she couldn't find some of the old songs from their courtship days. I told her to give me the names and I would download them in itunes. She was at once shocked and delighted. Because, Always, I'm in the Mood For Love were a few of the favored selections, which I found quickly and decided that Perry Como and old Blue Eyes were probably the best crooners. I also found a great Nat King Cole tune, The Very Thought Of You. But the selection would not be complete, I told her, without the Marine Corps Hymn.

My father a retired Marine, plays the song every time he walks by a piano. He has insisted that all his children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren learn the piece as standard repertoire (a fancy word for music). It seemed appropriate to close this timeless musical love affair with a stand at attention semper fi.

My dad was duly surprised and he, too, thought it best to blame me for his lack of awareness in the planning stages. The role of the oldest daughter, I suppose. But for all their protests, this is a testimony to true love. There are no fonder memories for me than my dad coming home from work and whirling my mom around the kitchen floor in an awkward attempt at the waltz. Trust me, if there is one thing my father and I have in common - we can't dance! But his endearing way of taking her into his arms and my mom gracefully making him look good doing so, are moments from my childhood that I truly treasure.

Valentines Day may be scoffed as a day for florists and chocolate makers to sell their wares, but for me it is a time to honor those who have stood the test of time, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, through kids, diapers, runny noses, fender benders, lost jobs, new jobs, moving, empty nests and aging bodies. That is what it means to be in love and young people got nothing on my Fred Astaire Dad and my Ginger Rogers Mom.