Nature or Nurture

Every child has, at one time or another, wondered what it would be like to pick the perfect parent. The movie, Coraline, is about a little girl who finds out that indeed, you should be careful what you wish for, when her dream of the perfect mother, suddenly turns into a nightmare.

In the small town of Heppner, Oregon, two women found out that their DNA proved they had been switched at birth, resulting in 56 years of living a life with the wrong parents. The two women, Kay Rene Reed and DeeAnn Angell, were born in 1953 at Pioneer Memorial Hospital. They grew up, got married, had children of their own and are now grandparents. 

One day a neighbor of the the Angell family and friend to Kay Rene's mother, called Kay's brother with a secret that turned the lives of these two families upside down. The neighbor, now 86 years old and living in a nursing home, told a story of how Marjorie Angell was sure she had been given the wrong baby while she was in the hospital. Her concerns were brushed aside and after a year, she couldn't imagine giving up her daughter and let her questions go. 

Kay's brother, Bobby, was stunned by the news but decided to follow through with the information. There had been rumors and family stories that had eluded to the mix-up. Hard to explain one blonde, blue eyed beauty amongst a family of brunettes, and vice versa. When DeeAnn was told of the switch she jokingly asked if it meant she would not be invited to the family reunion. After the two women had their DNA test results prove there was a 99.9 percent chance of being related to the other's family, the truth was undeniable.

With both sets of parents deceased, it was left to these women to determine what course their lives would take. Pioneer Hospital agreed to pay for counseling for the women, but they both declined. Choosing to embrace their lives and share a birthday, the women are moving on rather than looking back.

They were no less loved, no worse for the wear and had the blessing of yet another family to fill their lives with even more memories. These women had the courage to accept what they could not change and the wisdom to recognize that a parent is the one who cares for you and about you and may not necessarily be the one that gives birth to you. 

My husband is an adopted child and I am the mother of an adopted child. My grandmother married a man with three children and no one ever knew she was not their biological mother. People are often surprised to learn that my daughter's two sons are from her husband's previous marriage. They are her sons. They are my grandsons. And no one can convince us otherwise. So I know first hand that the labor of love is just as binding as the labor of birth. Sometimes it is more about nurture than it is about nature. Families come in all shapes and sizes and apparently sometimes as a complete surprise! 

Stories Preserved

My mother and I spent Mother's Day remembering Mamanina. She was my grandmother, my godmother. That is what Mamanina means and StoryCorps gave us an opportunity to perserve her story in a recording that will be in around as long as the United States of America stands.

It began with a story in the newspaper that StoryCorps was coming to our town to listen to the stories told by ordinary people. To give them the chance to tell their stories. Stories about events they witnessed or about people that were important in their lives. These stories would be recorded and stored in the Library of Congress and possibly edited and aired on NPR (National Public Radio). The call was to schedule an appointment during the visit of the StoryCorps mobile recording studio. I saw this as the perfect Mother's Day gift.

The airstream trailer was set-up with a small recording studio inside. We sat at a table with microphones. I interviewed my mom and she answered questions about her mother. Although we had decided on the questions ahead of time, we had not rehearsed and we let the conversation flow between us. My grandmother had lived with us for as long as I could remember so I was sure I knew most of what my mother would say. But I was surprised that I learned new things about Mamanina and about my own mother as well.

The interview was an hour long and when it was over, we received a CD of the recording. A tribute, a treasure, a moment captured in time. My intent is to make copies for my six siblings, sharing with them a piece of their history and the story of a woman we all knew and yet are about to discover.

My grandmother was a woman ahead of her time, possessing a strength of character that I now see in my own mother and yes, even in myself.

StoryCorps has recorded 23,000 stories from all around the country, from all 50 states. They now have 23,001 - the story of a courageous woman, a determined woman, an immigrant who became a citizen of this country and whose story truly belongs in the Library of Congress. Thank you

StoryCorps.

StoryCorps photos by ChrisPietsch/The Register-Guard www.registerguard.com

Pictured are Geneva Kesey, mother of Ken Kesey and granddaughter Sunshine Kesey

Spring Cleaning

May day! Mothers Day a week away. It is finally time to air out the spring and summer clothes and begin that timeless tradition of Spring Cleaning! Mine began while searching for my resume, I found myself sifting through stacks of receipts, certificates and warranties from products I haven't had in over a decade. While rummaging through the several file cabinets in my home office I decided it was time for some serious paper recycling.

Cleaning out the three file cabinets of documents, product warranties, tax forms and my newspaper clipping files, I found our will. It was a simple will. At the time, we were traveling overseas and decided it was good time to put our affairs in order. In our mid 30's, we had few ducks to put in a row, but our son was very young and we wanted to be sure he was protected. Our daughters had left home to pursue their own lives and we felt they were too young to have to take on the responsibility of a young child. Our parents were approaching their 70's and the care of a young child, also seemed a burden to lay upon their aging shoulders.

My son is now in his 20's so I realized this was a document that needed a serious make-over. My parents put together their will several years ago, asking their seven prodigy to label things they wanted to keep once my parents had entered the pearly gates. It was fun to look back through the footprints of our childhood and memories that lead us to choose those things that would continue to make those moments precious.

My in laws, now close to 90 years old, recently put together a will after we discovered this was something they had never done. I know that in this day and age of litigation and probate courts, this seems hard to believe. Add my father in law's ever increasing decline to Alzheimers disease and you have the makings of a disaster. Somehow it marked the end of life to place a will on a to do list.

Paperwork! From cradle to grave, there seems to a trail of paperwork that follows us. We understand the need to update and upgrade our closets, furniture, cars and houses as we upsize and downsize our lives. For some reason, though the thought of detailing a last will and testament, is tantamount to sending an engraved invitation to the grim reaper. And yet, if we could stick around after the graveside service, we would witness the absolute chaos that procrastination has caused those we truly love most.

As you put the wool sweaters in moth balls, plant the lettuce in the garden and wonder if you can still fit into that bikini (or even dare to wear one!), make an appointment to draw a will and living trust. Many of the forms can be downloaded, some for free. Taking the time to engage an attorney is probably the best money you will ever spend. Every state has certain probate laws and adding misery to loved ones because a t wasn't crossed or an i dotted, will have you rolling in your grave.

And while you have the pen in your hand and the good intentions to protect all you have worked so hard to attain, get a power of attorney. In the new age of the god HIPAA, it has become crucial should something happen to you and you are unable to make decisions for yourself. Trying to help my mother in law with taxes and banking issues has been a nightmare without that power of attorney in place. We have spent more time, phone calls and aggravation, that one hour of paperwork would have eliminated.

Add a few pieces to your paper trail and put this on your to do list this spring. It may be the best thing you do for your family, and it will certainly help you to rest in peace. No pun intended. That's what a wise grandma would do.

A Giant Step for Earth Day

Behold! One more citizen on planet earth pedaling their way to independence with a small carbon footprint. Despite her tiny feet, my granddaughter pedaled her way into the next rite of passage this past weekend. Training wheels removed, jeans, shoes and helmet donned, she rode where others have certainly ridden before, and yet that plunge into independence is truly a solo ride.

We have many rites of passage during our lives but none quite so intimidating and completely alone as the first bicycle ride without the benefit of support from mechanical apparatus or the firm grip of a parent. Each of these milestones are often the product of trial and error as in our first steps and studying as in reading, or practice as in driving. We have the benefit of a teacher or imitating a sibling, a table to walk around or driving instructor with a set of pedals.
Yet when we ride a bike, truly ride a bike, we are alone. There are those standing along the sidelines cheering us on, but ultimately it depends on our own power, confidence and sheer determination to keep the wheels balanced, hands on the handlebars and our bodies in sync with a moving vehicle. I find it to be a unique moment in a child's life (or at any age) when you first realize what you are capable of doing with your own steam.

What a fantastic way to celebrate Earth Day! My granddaughter and I are going on a bike ride to see all of Mother Nature's Glory along the way. Because that is what a wise grandma and her bike riding buddy would do!

Veggies Tonight Without A Fight

As the oldest of seven children, the only thing I remember about dinner time was you better not be late to the table and no dessert unless you cleaned your plate. This, of course, led to a few options if you didn't like what mom was cooking, but it also meant you went to bed hungry as there was no getting around the rules.

As a young mother, I made sure that my children ate only organic, homemade foods. They never had box mac and cheese (apologies to Kraft) and canned food meant what I had grown in the garden and canned myself. I even made my own bread, complete with grinding the wheat. Yes, this little Red Hen, made it all. Baby food was pureed freshly cooked in my kitchen.
Yet, my children had a few picky moments. Today, rather than play the blame game of "starving children" or bribes of dessert or nagging about empty calories, prepare to take on Veggies Tonight Without A Fight with the Sneaky Chef, Missy Chase Lapine. Her latest book Simple Strategies For Hiding Healthy Foods in Kids Favorite Meals, a New York Times Bestseller, has inspired healthy eating habits in the most picky of eaters.

The book not only makes nutrition easy to slip between the muffins and cupcakes, but it makes it easy to prepare. This win win combination could be the turning point for a nation of fast food junkies, overweight children and food allergies. The secret? Making simple purees from foods packed with vitamins and high in antioxidants. As simple as making a milk shake, the purees become a tasty base for sauces and batters, hiding the good stuff from the picky eater and putting it where it can benefit growing bodies.

My favorite is Mac and Cheese Muffins. Easy to stick in a lunch box or after school snack, these muffins have it all.

Ingredients

4 large eggs
1 cup orange puree (see below)
2 cups low fat shredded cheese
2 cups cooked macaroni
salt and pepper to taste
Make puree - I yam or sweet potato, peeled and roughly chopped. 3 medium carrots peeled and chunked. 2 - 3 tablespoons of water. Put in a medium pot covering potato and carrots with cold water and boil for 20 minutes, until tender. Drain and put in food processor with the 2 Tablespoons of water. Keep on high until the puree is smooth.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees and line a muffin pan with paper liners and spray lightly.

Whisk eggs and orange puree. Mix in 3/4 cup of the cheese and divide batter among the muffin cups. Top each muffin with a tablespoon of cheese. Bake for 20 - 22 minutes until golden brown and bubbly on top. Season with salt and pepper, to taste.

Missy has a variety of innovative cooking ideas in her Sneaky Cookbooks, even one entitled How to Cheat On Your Man (In the Kitchen). This book, again on the New York Times Bestseller List, offers ways to hide healthy foods in hearty meals. Featured on the Today Show, Missy has found the way to a cooking and healthy lifestyle change - through our stomachs! Grow it, cook it, eat it yourself and you won't have to worry about food recalls. Remember - you are what you eat! That's what a wise Grandma would do.

How Will I Be So Kind?

I review books as part of my job. When Nico and Lola came across my desk, I was impressed with how the author, Meggan Hill and photographer, Susan Graunke, had captured the essence of kindness in the face of a three year old little boy named Nico and an adorable pug, named Lola. 

The photographs tell the story, but the concept behind this wonderful book is the message to be kind. Meggan Hill explains that this broad concept of teaching a child what it means to be kind is what prompted her to write the book. Susan's photographs capture the actions of these two rascals as they learn what it means to be kind, to share and help others. 

This delightful book not only takes a unique approach to teaching children the concept of kindness but draws an immediate connection through the use of photographs of real people and animals. Listening to their conversation about the book, you realize the fun they had in writing this story and the passion they share for bringing strong lessons into clear view for parents, grandparents and teachers. 

Nico and Lola is a must have book for children. It is a story that my granddaughter loves hearing over and over again. She thinks Lola is "so cute" and loves seeing Nico hold Lola's paw. I guarantee this is one of the best children's books around and certainly one that needs to make its way into your child's Easter Basket or birthday party.

How Will I Be So Kind? Look for Nico and Lola by Meggan Hill Photography by Susan Graunke and published by Genuine Prints. It is available online at www.nicoandlola.com for $16.95 or at Amazon.com. Spread the word - kindness counts! That's What a Wise Grandma Would Do!

Enjoy the interview with Meggan and Susan on WG Radio!

What a difference a day makes

Sometimes the difference can happen in one quick moment. We have spent the past two weeks on an emotional roller coaster after my 91 year old father in law slipped into a coma. He suffers from congestive heart failure and Alzheimer's. Within 20 minutes we were leaving his house and following an ambulance. Within the hour he was connected by wires and tubes, his life hanging in the balance, and we were faced with life altering decisions.

Told that there was little to no hope of his recovery, we made the tough call to let nature take its course. As we waited agonizingly long minutes, he rallied to the shock of his doctor and staff members. He is now at home again with Hospice in place. For so long we have been on our own with the care of Orville. It is a relief to have Hospice there although my 87 year old mother in law, still feels a bit like her home has been invaded by strangers.

These loving strangers, come as volunteers to help bathe him, shave him, sit with him, provide nursing care and support. They come twice a week, are friendly, kind and patient. They care because my in laws are people, not because they are friends or family. I find that quite remarkable. They come to make our life easier, not because we pay them. They are available on the phone 24/7 to make sure you have access to help when you really need it - in the middle of the night.

I believe these strangers will become family. I know this to be true. My father is a Hospice Volunteer at the VA Hospital in Roseburg, OR. My mother worked in Senior Services for years, making it her mission to get help for people like our family. And yet knowing and working in this caring capacity, they understand the reluctance that families have for this unprecedented level of volunteerism and human compassion for the dying.

The concept of hospice comes from medieval times, a place where travelers, the sick, wounded or dying could find rest and comfort. The word "hospice" comes from the Latin word hospes: meaning to host a guest or stranger. As the development of medicine grew, sick people were treated in "hosp" itals. The spreading of germs in these facilities earned them names like "house of death" and families preferred to keep loved ones at home with the support of friends and neighbors.

We are grateful that these hospice volunteers have lent a hand to help make a difference in these days of our lives. Laughter is the best medicine as we find ourselves and the volunteers smiling at Orville's signature response to "how are you feeling?". His answer is always the same "with my fingers". I will be grateful for each minute of every day, because it does make a difference. That's what a wise grandma would do.